WEEK 2 AND 3

 

 

 

 

Wow. I’m not sure where to start here. Maybe with the elephant in the room…

On september 14, 2024, I shaved my head. So there’s that.

I’ve always been insecure about my appearance and a participant in comparison and self deprecation based on physical attributes. It is something I take back to the cross every single day, because I still can’t let it go fully. Even after I knew who God was and who he called me to be, I still find myself placing my value in other things, be it my intelligence, if people like me, how pretty I am, how successful I am, my titles. And after going to the Lord about this topic since June, I feel the Lord asking me to it all go, to lay it down at the foot of the cross and walk with him. So I cut all my hair off. I feel like through this season of life, the Lord is teaching me surrender. He’s slowly taking away the things I have deemed as pillars of my identity, that aren’t him, and one is my hair, my insecurity. One is school and my identity rooted in my capability. One is comfort. And as all these pillars begin to fall, I’m looking to Jesus as my source of stability, as my identity, as my comforter, and as my Lord, who I devote my life to. I have been supported so much by my team lead, who walked something similar on her race, and my wonderful squad mates. I’m defined by the creator of the universe who called me by name and he’s teaching me to surrender. I heard someone say once, “let radical obedience bring radical faith” and I’m walking in that. Let radical obedience bring radical faith.

I feel like having my head shaved is kind of like fasting. Like sometimes I forget I don’t have my hair anymore, and when I start to think about it, I start to pray. The lord is teaching me a lot about staying still in his presence, and how to listen. I’ve been sitting with Ecclesiastes 3: 6-7 lately.

““a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;”
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On a separate note. Our squad had a failed hike up Yonah Mountain, because it started thunder storming half way up. Which was so sad, because I actually loved hiking the mountain. Then, I spent the majority of week three in the designated sick rooms because I have caught the flu ‭:) There’s been an ick in the air since week two but I caught it on Wednesday, and it hit me hard. I ended up at the urgent care with a 104 degree fever. And came home with some meds, gatorade, and command to rest. My fever did break until this morning (9/22). So I haven’t done much but listen to the Bible Project and Blurry Creatures, and sleep.

Then I proceeded to spend my whole morning scrubbing mildew out of my tent and out of all my belongings with a rag and bleach because my tent leaked while I was in the sick room and then sat for four days. Yesterday, when I discovered it, it was a big deal, I was still feverish and really upset and disheartened, so I cried on the ground for 45 minutes on the phone. Then zipped it up and walked away. Today, when I faced it, I was ready. The campsite was quiet. I listened to my church’s live stream about 2 Peter chapter 1. I got to see all my friend’s little heads walking around from where the camera was set up, and it brought me a lot of joy. And I scrubbed and cleaned and washed. And it wasn’t all that bad. Yesterday, I wanted to give up, but today it has been nice.

Then, my favorite part of the past two weeks, two of my best friends came to visit me on campus and to take some stuff home for me. It really made my whole week. They brought me lunch and pet my head and stayed and chatted. And I just love them. And it’s an interaction I get to hold onto as we go into Domestic Ministry tomorrow (9/23)!! Tomorrow at 10 am, we pack and clean the entire campus. We store anything we’re not taking. And then we’re off!! M squad is going to mississippi. The house we will be in is owned by mennonites. And we’re doing ministry on a Native American Reservation. and I am so excited. I don’t really know what it’s going to look like. But today has been a good reset after being sick all week, so I just pray this continues throughout the week.

Please pray for the spirit to go ahead and prepare the way. Prepare the people and the place, soften their hearts. And soften ours. To give us the words to say when they’re needed, and for it all to be to the glory of God. We are being the hands and feet of Christ, equipped with the most important message of who he is. Let us be ready. And when we’re not ready, to step out anyway and let the spirit work.

There are still people on my squad in need of funding. If you feel called to give, please reach out to me!!!

Thank you for reading, and have an amazing day.